Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
