Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Someone came in the potted fern
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
