well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
