wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
