Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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