i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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