he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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