speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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