Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
