Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
