he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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