So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
