Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
