HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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