If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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