2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
