i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
