The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
