My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
