I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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