You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
