just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
