The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Someone came in the potted fern
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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