college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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