New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
