Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
