I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
