How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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