you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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