worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
