He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
