I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
