she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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