Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
