youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
