tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So squirting runs in the family.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
