please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
