Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He better not be in your backpack
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
