I bet he comes in French.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
