I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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