My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
