That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
