I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
