if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
