Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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