he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
