Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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