I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
