I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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