Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
