I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
