Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
