Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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