ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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