he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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