i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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